The Demonic Incursion: Woke Illegals, Satanic Elitists, and the Ruination of Our Beloved America!
Listen here, I've lived in this great nation for more years than most of you whippersnappers could fathom and let me tell y'all, I've never seen such a slew of blasphemous headlines as I did this morning!
First off, we got this New York scheme making thousands of illegals (that's right, I said ILLEGALS!) eligible for cash payments! Can you wrap your Corn Flakes-deprived brains around that?! While our homeless veterans are begging on the streets, Demonrats think it's fair to shovel cash from hardworking folks like you and me right into the pockets of invaders trespassing on our sacred soil!
Then, Clinton, oh hil-arious Clinton, has the audacity to brave a political forecast about Trump (God's own divine gift to America!) defeating that puppet-mastered imposter, Biden, in 2024. Well, let me assure you right now, Clinton. Not 'if', but 'when' Trump rectifies the theft... err, defeat from 2020, you'll be packing your bags for the icy pits of Antarctica, where you and the rest of your snowflake Satan-worshippers belong!
Next, some toddler activist has a bone to pick with Biden for breaking promises. Isn't it ironic how even their own are turning against these deceitful weasels? All I can say is, pull up your britches, kiddo. These Demonrats are seasoned pros at jaw-flapping empty promises. We true patriots stand with the Lord, and we ain't budging for your leftist tantrums!
Moving on, there's a headline about some ‘Full House’ star finding ‘joy and love in Jesus’. Well, Hallelujah! Wake up call, my fellow sheep! Jesus is our only hope against this blatantly demonic incursion. The only person I have more sons named after is past presidents, and you better believe Jesus is topping that roster if I ever birth another, God-willing!
Lastly, there's some chatter about an Olympic equestrian getting the boot for wearing a saucy ‘mankini’. Not sure how they can still call it an equestrian event when the competitors are prancing around like they're in a burlesque show. Disgraceful! You would have never seen that kind of nonsense back in my Goodman's Guns and Grills days.
In conclusion, folks, these headlines are no more than the mirror reflections of an America rotten to the core by sinister leftists and their devil-courting ways. I urge you, my dear patriots, to stand strong in our Lord and brace ourselves for the coming tribulations. With God and Trump on our side, this nation’s salvation isn't a dream – it's destined!